Ashley's Account: Ian Nathaniel's Birth
My Birth Story
At about 11:30 am on 4/18/08 I laid down to nap and had my first contraction. It was like take your breath away intense. I cannot say it was pain, like agony. It was hard and intense, but not agonizing. I was to know later that my contractions would change, but not really get a lot stronger. There was never a gradual build up. The contractions were like nothing I have ever felt. When they continued to come, I called my husband at work. I really still did not know or believe that I was in labor. I told him maybe he should come home, but then told him let’s wait an hour in case it was a false alarm. He said “OK”, but I had two contractions while on the phone with him. The sound of my voice convinced him to leave right away. When I called him about 30 minutes later, I was so relieved to know he was already coming home. When my husband walked through the door of that bathroom where I was laboring, my whole outlook changed. I became so peaceful and calm. Before he came home I was doing OK, but questioned how long I could go on for. Would it be another 10, 14, 18 hours? When he came home, I knew we could do it together no matter how long. His presence, gentle touch, familiar voice was and is such strength to me.
Anyway, my husband and I relaxed into what we thought might be labor. Nathan made a little bed for me outside in our back yard under our grapefruit tree. I breathed through contractions which were short at their peak, but close together. I called Michelle to ask her if my water had broken because right before my first contraction, I heard a pop followed by a trickle, but there was no more than a trickle that did not continue to flow. She said if my water had broken it would have continued to flow. I had two contractions while I was on the phone with her. Both short. She asked, “Are you having a contraction?” I replied with a strained, “Mmm hmm.” She told me they were short, to use my relaxation techniques, and call her if anything else happened.
Disappointed that I still was not sure if I was in true labor, I sat on my birth ball outside and bounced through my contractions. I relaxed and prayed for a sure sign of labor that I might be encouraged. I then reached down because I felt wet. I had a little blood on my fingers. I have no idea why, but I felt an urge to go sit on the toilet and push. I just trusted my instincts. I told my husband that I was going inside to go to the bathroom real quick. He was finishing up something from work on his laptop as he figured we were in early labor and he better finish a task he had not yet completed when he left work to come home. So I sat on the toilet and did what my body told me to. I pushed the slightest bit and I heard a huge noise followed by not a gush, but an explosion of my water. I shook with shock. It was all over the bathroom floor. I called Nathan, “Something happened!” He ran in and said “OK, your water broke.” Apparently I was still in denial. I do not remember saying this, but Nate says that I said, “I don’t know…”
At some point I agreed that yes, my water had broken, and I called Michelle, laughing with excitement and still shaking with shock. She told me to come in. So I told Nate to pack while I showered. When I was in the shower my contractions changed. Like I said, they were strong from the beginning. I never had 5-1-1, and never bothered timing as I knew they were short but very close together. My water broke at about 3 pm. In the shower my contractions began to feel like I was throwing up backwards. I wanted to grunt and push a bit with each contraction. As I was getting into the shower I called my mom who was coming with my sister to see the birth that I was definitely in labor. I would call when we got to the birth center and tell her how far along I was. A few minutes later though I called her again to tell her to go to Sanford and at least be in the area because I might be farther along than I had originally thought. I told my husband to hurry. I did not want to leave the shower.
At about 3:30 we left the house for the birth center. We arrived at about 4:15 pm. I was pushing in the car all the way over. It felt like it was all I could do. I knew that the baby wasn’t going to just slip out in the car, so I wasn’t afraid. My husband was a little anxious though. “Just breathe, don’t push,” he begged. “It’s OK,” I told him, “I can’t help it.” We put our relaxation hypnobirth CD on that I had listened to many times. I quickly realized though that I wanted praise music instead, so we switched the CDs. We rolled down the windows. The air felt so good. The sky looked so pretty. We sang in between my grunts to praise music.
My senses felt so acute in between contractions. I remember when we were laboring under the grapefruit tree that I saw the little green balls of the budding grapefruit, and the clouds. I had a very strange experience in that I felt so good in between contractions. I couldn’t believe it. I knew about endorphins, but this was incredible. I have never done drugs, but decided this must be what it feels like. Everything was so beautiful.
When we arrived at the birth center I was so happy to be there. I felt such peace. I knew I would be taken care of and I had nothing to fear. I got out of the car, squatted and pushed. When we came inside I smiled and hugged Lynn and Michelle. I told them I loved them. I heard Lynn say to start the bath. Michelle said something about how I didn’t look the way I had sounded on the phone. (I was in between a contraction at this point.) I came into the downstairs room and cried with pleasure. I felt so grateful to be there to birth my baby. “I love this place,” I cried. Then I squatted and pushed through another contraction. They said not to start the bath and Lynn checked me. My prayers were answered. I was 9cm dilated. (On the ride over I prayed I would be far along because though I honestly do no feel like I was in painful agony it was so intense that I wondered how long I could do it for) From then on I pushed to my heart’s desire. I remember lying in bed, being in between a contraction, and looking at the chandelier and it looked so beautiful in that moment. I looked at my husband and fell in love with him over and over in those short moments.
Lynn and Michelle turned music on and I was encouraged to dance and “wiggle my baby out.” So, I did and then squatted and pushed with the contractions. I remember it seemed like forever just to get him around my pubic bone. At some point I could reach down and feel his head right there. I began to get very tired. With each contraction I felt I had to reach deeper and deeper inside for strength that I really didn’t know if I was going to find. At this point I felt very much like I was suddenly very responsible for getting this baby out. I never felt alone, but I felt that it was up to me and God. I prayed for strength.
I remember I told Michelle a few times, “I can’t do this, I am so tired.” She of course said that I could, that I was doing great. Even as I told her that I couldn’t do it, I knew that I could, or that I would. But I needed her words. Eventually, I was put onto a birthing stool and my son was crowning. Michelle kept stretching me, and taking a lot of time. She put hot cloths on me and oil. I remember I didn’t like the way she was stretching me, but later I thanked her for saving my bottom. When my son was crowning I felt a lot of stinging. This was the hardest part for me. I stopped wanting to push. I was afraid of tearing. Michelle told me that I was going to tear a little, but I would be OK. At this moment, I freaked out. I screamed at her, “ NOOOOOOOO!” My husband was scared and shocked because it was the only point I really lost control in a way. It was the only point that I was really afraid. Michelle and I talked. She knew my fears and knew all the horror stories I had heard. We worked through it. I knew I would need to push my baby out. This was when I loved him. I loved him enough to get him out no matter what. I pushed and out came his head. I heard a gurgle, then a cry. He cried while his body was still inside me. Then I felt his body move through my body. His head was just a lot of pressure, but his body I felt. Shoulders, knees, legs. What an incredible feeling! Then they laid him on my chest. Nathan said, “It’s a boy!” It was so beautiful. “Mommy’s here,” I told him. The exhaustion I felt was immense, but the love I felt for him was indescribable.
How can I describe what it has meant to me to not be numb in any way for this experience? How can I express how grateful I am to God for the strength He gave me and for the amazing way He created the birthing process? I am so grateful. So grateful to have a loving husband to help me through each season of our lives. So grateful to Michelle and Lynn for the way they mothered me and cared for me in a way that made me feel safe enough to let go and birth my baby the way I needed to. So grateful to Maggie for a class that further confirmed to me that birth is normal, that I can relax, follow my instincts, and not be afraid.
By the way, I did tear, but just two small tears. I didn’t even need stitches. (Thank you Michelle) I did not use the “rainbow relaxation” as I thought that I would, though I know to some this will be so helpful. What I took from the class was more of an idea, as opposed to a formula. The idea that I could give birth the way the deepest parts of me desired, as long as everything went normally.
My son, Ian Nathanael, was born at 5:51pm on April 18th, 2008 after about six and a half hours of labor. He was 10 lbs, 4oz and was 21 inches long. He is healthy and this I do not take for granted. I am so grateful for his birth. It has changed me. His birth as not only made me a mother, it has made me believe that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)
announcing the Birth of:
Ian Nathaniel
Born April 18, 2008
@ 5:50 pm
To Ashley and Nathan
10 lbs. 4 oz.
